September 22nd, 2009 by Life

It so happened I was listening to some of Elvis’ best songs and “My Boy” was being played as I found an old note to a very young child.

Can this note ever get old and outdated?

Look at the stats for divorce and separations. And another set of stats that are even more unbalanced – the number of fathers being estranged by the courts from their own children. Is this an automatic law? It really more than bothers me and from the huge numbers of fathers’ stories declaring and complaining of the maltreatment they received, something within our society stinks. Having been down that road before, I understand oh so well the clear ‘biases’ against fathers as my lawyer puts it. And I can tell you, I and countless thousands of fathers have far stronger language for this situation. Fathers that waalk away are branded as irresponsible deadbeats. Those that stay to be there for their kids are simply swept aside and called some of the most despicable names in the English dictionaries by the social workers and family court judges, including the term “monsters”.

But, this is not about all that. It’s about this little letter I have in my hand. I found it while reading some old books found and brought from a storage. It’s more than 10 years old, but still so apt today.

[[My Boy, this is from your Dad.

If you ever remember me, then you will know who I am, if not, this note will be an introduction. You are not alone...not by choice. If it so happens you are reading this note at all, it simply means I am out of your life by force or death or both. I'll explain this later, but before I do, just a little reminder - I hope it jolts your memory...

I remember the laughter, the tears. You needed to be hugged to my chest to fall asleep even with your bottle and slept on my pillow. I had to hold and walk you to sleep every night because somehow you knew a very familiar heartbeat you've listened to for almost 9 months was no longer around you. It was most difficult even when you cried for that comfort - you didn't get any.

Hey, do you remember being filmed on video? That bouncy and happy little boy, always smiling when Dad pretends to toss you into the air? When you sat on my shoulders? When you sat and slept in the stroller? When we went to Ottawa to meet the prime minister Jean Chretien when you were only 10 months old? You posed very well for pictures - like a well trained actor. Hey maybe you can be one.

Yes, it became really tense. My own business became impossible to build simply because you only had one person you could rely on. By the time you were 2 weeks old, there was only 1 person present in your life. Yes, it's difficult to understand, but your mother simply decided her books and university degree was far more important than you are.

It's not your fault.

Never, ever blame yourself. I've seen too many kids do so. Ideally, you need both parents. But when you're missing one, the other has to fill in the gaps. I tried the best I could. When you're hungry, I fed you. Mother tried breast milk at first when we all came home one day from the hospital. Over the couse of the week, you could not get enough and I supplemented your feeding with baby formula. But, I'll tell you now, she could not hold you to take the time to feed you like a loving mother would take the time to do patiently, because her hands were always full of her books. Her face was fully attentive to the pages, and not your cries for attention.

But one day, I left for a business meeting for about half a day. I regretted ever doing that. You were only 15 days from birth. And not feeling good, I returned a couple of hours early. You looked so hungry and tired but cried uncontrollably - all by yourself.

Daddy scooped you up and you never let go. You stayed in my arms and boy were you ever hungry! Two baby bottles, then you even tried for a third before dozing off at last. Your diaper was dry...how long have you not been fed? How long were you left by yourself? Where's Mum?

Your Promise

This letter is really to caution you and to set the record straight in case I am no longer able to tell you myself. This is to ensure that you know the score and not fall for lies and deceit that has dogged your life and mine in this issue.

You need to be cautious in your dealings with those who will take advantage of you, and mold you the way they want you to be. Don't ever let it happen. If that has already occured, work your way right out of it.

Be your own man. You can be self sufficient and totally independant. You can be far more successful than you have ever known before. Do it step by step. Being street wise takes experience and time. You'll surprise yourself and everyone who would control you when you take those steps. Do it one baby step at a time.

PROMISE yourself you can be the best and most successful man you can ever be. Never forget that promise.

You can do it. Know how I know? Simple. I watched you grow. I was there when you first started to make your baby talk - only 7 weeks old and you'd talk like a little bird for 20 or 30 minutes at a time. By the time you were 3 months old, you could already start hitting my comupter keyboard keys to make musical sounds. You loved clours and songs. You could turn on the TV and change channels or use the video player to watch your favourite program on your first birthday. Yes, I was thankful your mother was at least here for that big day in a restaurant.

The biggest tone in this letter is about being cautious and strong. Err on the side of caution. Society does not condone the disparaging of any parent. But go to any bookstore and check the web. There are countless books, videos and "jokes" putting fathers and men down every which way. Even police records can downplay the violence caused by women and mothers on their children. But those records do exist in hordes. Read the newspapers - there are more reports of abuse and violence being openly reported than ever before. Social workers, believing they are immune from prosecution will abuse fathers with their actions and do it openly with their biases. (But check the dictionary for the definition of one or an organization that openly or habitually abuse someone or a group of people with bias - you'll understand the true meaning of their actions - it is called bigotry).

A Stranger Reappears

Once in a while, like once a month or so your mother does make her appearance - for a day and vanishes again. This is most upsetting for all of us. She's upset you don't know her. You're upset she scares you (this is now a stranger to you) and I am upset because when she takes you out even for a an hour, you came back very ill. It's either you've been chilled, crying for your Dad or been affected by peanuts that she fed you. You are allergic to severely allergic to peanuts. I've had to rush you to the hospital so many times it scares me to death. Imagine a guy in a suit running through town to a hospital and then while there, the doctors try to treat me for a heart attack! " But no! My son just ingested some peanuts - he's severely allergic..."

Such carelessness! You wonder why you need to be cautious? You need to grow up plenty quick. I have been on the receiving end of some nasty physical violence too - especially so when I am ill. Verbal abuse was the norm...good lord, and some people call this normal?

You are only 3 years old now and soon, your grandparents and your Dad will take you to Disneyland in Florida with your cousin Yang Jin. Hopefully, we can have some good times. Your Mum has refused to come...Always some exam or other.

But my money is gone and she wants more - loads more...yours, mine and grandparents' as well. Now she wants lawyers to get involved...in fact she hired one for me to be rid of me. She had gotten her hands on some Singapore Citizenship application papers for you. But is she nuts? You're a Canadian! She wants to dispose of you into her Singapore relatives' hands unless she gets $2 million...since when have you become someone else's property? Well, no way will that ever happen while I live. I was no longer a Singapore Citizen by then, but a Canadian. I forbade her but I know she filed them anyway...So, My Boy, be careful of strangers.

Grow up well and fast My Boy,

Your Dad.]]

This note was never delivered, so it stands to reason the Dad is still there with his son. Go for it Dad!